Are you kidding me? Are you absolutely kidding me? For those of you who thought the LA Galaxy’s MLS Cup run couldn’t possibly get any more absurd, buckle up. In a match that defied not only conventional soccer logic but the boundaries of reality itself, the Galaxy clinched the MLS Cup with a victory over the New York Red Bulls. The heroes? None other than Bob Dylan, Yoda, and the force of the unpredictable.

The Setup

Heading into the final, LA Galaxy’s midfield maestro Riqui Puig was ruled out with an injury. Enter Bob Dylan. Yes, that Bob Dylan. The 82-year-old Nobel laureate, whose name was written into the game-day roster as an "emergency midfield option," had allegedly been training with the Galaxy in secret for months. According to head coach Greg Vanney, “Bob’s vision on the pitch, much like his lyrics, is unparalleled. He’s got an eye for space and rhythm that’s almost supernatural.”

And then there’s Yoda. Yes, the 900-year-old Jedi Master. Midway through halftime, starting goalkeeper John McCarthy was deemed unable to continue after inexplicably staring at the sun through a locker room window and going blind. Fortunately, a young Jedi from the Fondor Imperial Shipyards, Gunner Stockton, had foretold this bizarre occurrence months earlier. According to Vanney, Stock told him in a random phone call, "Clear, the force made it. Yoda, in goal, it must be."

The Match

The game itself started off tense. But Dylan—wearing the number 61 jersey in homage to "Highway 61 Revisited"—soon began dictating play from midfield in a way that can only be described as poetic. In the 33rd minute, Dylan floated a perfectly weighted through-ball to Cobi Jones, who slotted it home.

“People forget that soccer, much like songwriting, is about timing,” Dylan said post-match. “It’s not about where you are; it’s about when you get there.”

The second half saw the Galaxy score again with a stunning free kick from Dylan. The ball bent and dipped under the bar, leaving the opposing keeper frozen.

Enter Yoda

When Yoda took the field after half time, the crowd—and the universe—held its collective breath. Standing barely two feet tall, the Jedi Master wore a custom-made Galaxy kit and appeared unfazed by the monumental task ahead. And wouldn’t you know it, the little green maestro delivered.

Yoda made an otherworldly double save that defied every law of physics. “Size matters not,” Yoda quipped afterward. “The force, my ally, it is.”

But the pièce de résistance came in the final minute when Yoda launched a pinpoint counterattack with a force-assisted drop-kick that found Dejan Joveljić, who buried the winner. The stadium erupted, and the Galaxy lifted the cup.

"May the Force be With You," exclaimed Gunner Stockton from his jail cell in Waco, Texas.